During my last pregnancy, my husband and I decided we would be done having kids. Two would be enough for us. Several times during the pregnancy (particularly during the all day long "morning sickness"), I told him if I ever talked about having a third child to remind me of all the times brushing my teeth made me gag or the sheer exhaustion I experienced or the number of other complaints I had. Yet here I am, 3 months postpartum, incredibly saddened by the fact that I may never have another child.
I'm a thinker. If I'm not actively engaged in an activity, my mind is working overtime. It frequently gets me into trouble. Rocking my daughter to sleep at night gives me plenty of time to mull the complexities of life. It is then that I often mourn the end of my child bearing experience. Will I never again carry a baby in my womb? Will I never feel those first little flutters? Will I never be kicked and punched in my vital organs from the inside? Will I never wake up 20 times a night to readjust my growing abdomen or go to the bathroom (at least before I'm 80)?
Logically I know we're at a good stopping point. We have two beautiful, healthy children who are full of life and personality. We are truly blessed. As enamored as I am with my family and my life, I am saddened to think that I am done having children. I'm 30. I should be ok with it. But I'm not. I feel too young to be done.
My husband is 100% ok with being done having children. He shuts me down before I can even mention having a third child. Threats of him getting a vasectomy are usually involved. I don't feel there is anything missing in our family. I honestly can't explain these feelings that I'm having. Perhaps they will slowly fade as my children grow. Perhaps I would feel this way after having 10 kids if I knew it was my last. Perhaps it's a touch of post partum depression. I do know I hate this feeling. Please tell me I'm not alone!
I think a little snuggle time with my 2 blessings is in order!