First

First smile. First tooth. First steps. Tiny moments in time, etched into a mother's heart forever.

Motherhood is the only aspiration I've always held, from the time I was a little girl until I became pregnant for the first time. My career goals changed constantly. Marine biologist (I can't swim, go figure). Nurse. Teacher (I actually have a degree for this little aspiration). Writer. Cake decorator. Through it all, being a mother was the one constant.

Nearly three years ago, this dream became a reality. My son was the sweetest surprise I've ever received. The first time I gave birth, I had no idea how my life would change. Bringing Big One home from the hospital sent my world into a tail spin. I remember sobbing as I stared at the computer wallpaper. A picture of Hubs and myself 7 months earlier on our trip to Puerto Vallarta. Two smiling adults, enjoying paradise. Blissfully unaware of the stark transformation our lives would soon undergo. A couple soon to become a family.

I cried for the end of our couplehood. Never again would it be just the two of us. I loved Big One from the beginning. I couldn't (and didn't want to) imagine life without him. But with any change, no matter how happy, there is a mourning of times gone by. The chapter of Hubs and Wifey was done. Written. Signed, sealed, delivered.

Our first steps into parenthood were full of sweat, tears, arguments, laughs, sleepless nights, hormones, questions, doubt, guilt, love. We found ourselves at the grocery store on Friday nights, not to pick up alcohol for a night of revelry, but for... groceries. Life as we knew it was no longer a reliable indicator of how to move forward. Big One paved the way, teaching us that parenting isn't an exact science.

Little One's grand debut introduced a new set of firsts. First trip to the grocery store with 2 small children (something I swore I'd never do but now we do it all the time). First time cloth diapering. First time sharing my love, time, attention with two kids (3 if you count Hubs). And of course all of the usual baby firsts.

The big firsts are exciting, but I want to relish all of the firsts. The first smiles, coos, conversations, laughs, hugs, kisses of each day. The first scraped knees of the summer. The first dances, stories, songs of the day. Too soon these firsts will make way for new firsts. The first day of school, first time tying shoes, first time behind the wheel of a car (please, no!), first date (again I say NO!). I want to sear all of these memories into my being. I always want to remember the feel of soft baby skin against my cheek. I want to hear the sound of Big One's laughter always. I want to relish the amazement of learning new things.

I will tuck all of these firsts away in my heart. I pen some of them in the journals I started for each child the day I saw the positive on the pregnancy test. These memories will wait silently to be recalled. Perhaps a flash of Big One's grown up smile will jar me back to these early days. Little One's grown up laughter may conjure up memories of years gone by. A song, a smell, a child running at the park. Whatever the reminder, these memories will wait patiently, ready to comfort me when I realize time has passed too quickly.

Check out A Frog in my Soup for more Firsts posts today. This post was based on a writing prompt from Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues. I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of this book!

11 comments:

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

Wow! That was beautiful! I'm all choked up...I relish those firsts!

WritingMother said...

Can I just say, you are quite a writer, really. Hi, this is Lisa Garrigues, author of Writing Motherhood. I am so taken with your piece, please print it out and slip it between the pages of your notebook, read it to your husband, when the time is right to your kids. I just love the way you refer to Big One and Little One, the piece is funny (the first time you and your husband went to the grocery store on a Friday night for...groceries) and heartfelt. My only advice: keep writing. Best, Lisa

Laurie, Owner of Halo Secretarial Services said...

Oh, that is such a sweet "firsts" post! I'm so glad to have found it from Frog In My Soup's blog! And your blog design is really lovely - take care!

domestictranquility said...

What a beautiful post! Thanks for sharing something so lovely.

Cecily R said...

WOnderful post. Truly.

Frog Mom said...

What a beautiful post! I truly enjoyed reading it as you so perfectly summed up the joys and *sort of* sorrows of becoming and being a mom!

Blessings!
Shera

pocketfulsofsunshine said...

You are so right. I always remember this when I hear that new Trace Adkins song, "You're Gonna Miss This". Everything is so hectic, and there always so much to look forward to, but I don't want to let go of the little things.

Angie said...

That was wonderful. I can relate. Thank you! How is HFH going for you?

~Trish~ said...

Ok you had tears from my doggie story, now I have tears from this sweet story :) Thanks for stopping by my blog when it was featured last week! I'm still trying to catch up with all the comments I got!!

AnastasiaSpeaks said...

I love the firsts! They are life's sweet moments.

barefootinhighheels said...

Love this post!!! I was going to tackle this "Firsts" post myself and then of course chaos got in the way of writing! This was beautiful -- and I echo your sentiments exactly!! (and I also can't wait to get this book, too!)

OK, I just wanted to add one more sentence simply to have one here that does NOT end with an exclamation point.