Motherhood can be a lonely profession. I can't count how many times I've called myself a bad mom, wishing I could be a good mom like everyone else. Told myself I'm ruining my children with my parenting mistakes. Thought no one else could possibly have ever felt the same way as me.
Blogging couldn't have come at a better time for me. In the last 5 months, I've gone from one child to two and started staying at home with the kids. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. But it was a big adjustment. There have been bumps in the road. But I've found a sense of solidarity in the blogosphere of all places.
It's comforting to hear other moms share the same feelings I am sometimes ashamed to admit to myself, let alone anyone else. I can visit some of my favorite blogs and suddenly I'm smiling. Some days laughing. I want to take the time to acknowledge these talented ladies and their blogs.
amy lou @ spontaneus blah: Amy's blog was the first I read on a regular basis. I actually know Amy in real life which is why I originally checked out Spontaneous Blah. She has a beautiful daughter born about a month before Little One. Amy is a very talented writer. After reading her blog for some time, I finally decided to give it a try myself.
The Mommy Diaries: I happened upon The Mommy Diaries one day and couldn't stop reading. I could relate to so many of the posts. Getting a toddler to poop on the potty comes to mind! From this blog, I checked out many other "mommy blogs". I'm so glad I did because I've found lots of other great blogs since!
Baby Tea Leaves: If you've read much of my blog, you've probably noticed my "Hot for the Holiday" posts on Fridays. (We won't talk about how this week is going. Birthday cake. Soda. Chips. The weekend birthday party really messed with me.) Christie is the organizer of this weight loss challenge. She is very motivational!
The Gift: A Year of Writing Dangerously: Written by another mom who recently made the transition to the SAHM/WAHM gig, I find a lot of things to relate to at The Gift. I admire her dedication to blog every single day. Try as I may, I can't seem to get a post in every day. I love the variety of topics too.
Table For 4: I found this blog recently thanks to the Hot for the Holidays challenge. Jessi is so down to earth and I feel like we have a lot in common. I always enjoy chatting with her!
So there's my short list. Please don't take it personally if I didn't highlight your blog! There are many, many blogs that I read regularly and I find inspiration in all of them. These five just stand out for various reasons.
And now I am forcing myself to put down the keyboard and go to bed!
Doctors
This morning Big One and Little One both had check ups. Big One started off the morning a little rough before we left the house. All of his cool underwear were dirty. How could I expect him to go out into public in Elmo underwear? That was so last year. Since his Cars underwear were all in the laundry, we compromised with Diego. When Little One reaches potty training, she's getting only 1 kind of underwear. I never knew it could take so long to pick out a pair of underwear in the morning.
After the rocky start, I prepared myself for mass chaos at the doctor's office. I pictured tantrums and defiance all around. Fortunately, Big One went easy on me. He tried to stall when we arrived, but with a little encouragement, he got out of the van. Good thing too since we were running late and I didn't have time to negotiate. Story of my life!
Our new doctor is awesome. Big One used to go to a busy pediatrician's office that constantly overbooked appointments. Long waits were the name of the game, although we were herded through like cattle. How can the doctor spend such little time with each patient yet be so far behind schedule? I'll never understand.
Here's just one example of the old doctor's stellar customer service. Big One was sick and we were "lucky" to get an appointment with his regular doctor. We had to wait almost 2 hours in the exam room to see the doctor. Two hours after the scheduled time! I get him in faster at the walk in clinic. After an hour of waiting in the exam room, I stuck my head out the door and asked a passing nurse if we were going to see a doctor soon. She acted like I had no right to ask after an hour what was going on. At least they gave me a couple free meal passes to the hospital cafeteria for my trouble. That totally makes up for the stress of entertaining a sick child for two hours in the doctor's office during his normal nap time while pregnant. For some reason, Hubs passed on my offer of a hot date at the hospital cafeteria. He's so picky.
I was hesitant to switch at first because I thought all doctor's offices might be similar. Dr. C proved me wrong. He's young (and attractive... always a bonus!) and has young kids of his own so he's great with Big One and Little One. Today, Little One had to get shots. In an attempt to calm her, I decided to nurse right after the shots. Dr. C came back in to answer a question I forgot to ask earlier. Since I was occupied with Little One, he sat up on the exam table with Big One while he got his finger poked by the nurse. He's so nice. And he actually remembers us from one appointment to the next, unlike our previous doctor's office. Can you tell how much I love our new doctor? Did I mention he's hot? (Of course, Hubs is much hotter.) We will definitely stick with our new doctor.
Moral of the story: don't be afraid to switch doctors if they're falling short of your expectations! I'm so glad we did. There are some doctors out there who actually care and will take time to know their patients.
After the rocky start, I prepared myself for mass chaos at the doctor's office. I pictured tantrums and defiance all around. Fortunately, Big One went easy on me. He tried to stall when we arrived, but with a little encouragement, he got out of the van. Good thing too since we were running late and I didn't have time to negotiate. Story of my life!
Our new doctor is awesome. Big One used to go to a busy pediatrician's office that constantly overbooked appointments. Long waits were the name of the game, although we were herded through like cattle. How can the doctor spend such little time with each patient yet be so far behind schedule? I'll never understand.
Here's just one example of the old doctor's stellar customer service. Big One was sick and we were "lucky" to get an appointment with his regular doctor. We had to wait almost 2 hours in the exam room to see the doctor. Two hours after the scheduled time! I get him in faster at the walk in clinic. After an hour of waiting in the exam room, I stuck my head out the door and asked a passing nurse if we were going to see a doctor soon. She acted like I had no right to ask after an hour what was going on. At least they gave me a couple free meal passes to the hospital cafeteria for my trouble. That totally makes up for the stress of entertaining a sick child for two hours in the doctor's office during his normal nap time while pregnant. For some reason, Hubs passed on my offer of a hot date at the hospital cafeteria. He's so picky.
I was hesitant to switch at first because I thought all doctor's offices might be similar. Dr. C proved me wrong. He's young (and attractive... always a bonus!) and has young kids of his own so he's great with Big One and Little One. Today, Little One had to get shots. In an attempt to calm her, I decided to nurse right after the shots. Dr. C came back in to answer a question I forgot to ask earlier. Since I was occupied with Little One, he sat up on the exam table with Big One while he got his finger poked by the nurse. He's so nice. And he actually remembers us from one appointment to the next, unlike our previous doctor's office. Can you tell how much I love our new doctor? Did I mention he's hot? (Of course, Hubs is much hotter.) We will definitely stick with our new doctor.
Moral of the story: don't be afraid to switch doctors if they're falling short of your expectations! I'm so glad we did. There are some doctors out there who actually care and will take time to know their patients.
Grandma Deb
Grandma Deb was never able to hold Big One or Little One. She didn't get to sing lullabies to them. She wasn't present at birthday parties. She has never told me how to raise my children. Grandma Deb passed away 8 years ago today.
I never knew my mother in law in her heyday. By the time I met her in 1997, MS had already consumed her body. Still maintaining a sharp awareness of the world, it pained her to be trapped in a body that didn't function. I saw the pain, the frustration in her eyes. I watched her freedom progressively slip away from her.
Deb didn't like me in the beginning. I suppose one day I'll understand the feeling that no woman will be good enough for my little boy. She eventually accepted me (how could she resist my charming personality?!?!). I visited her in the nursing home, knowing she was too young to be there. I sat with her in the hospital. I watched the physical and emotional pain that grasped her tightly and wouldn't loosen its hold.
I heard the phone ring in the middle of the night 8 years ago. I knew. I didn't answer the phone. It rang again. Mike's sister. Get to the hospital.
By the time we arrived at the hospital, she was gone. We stayed for a while. We went home. We didn't go back to sleep. I baked. That day was to be my last of my first rotation of student teaching. I dropped off the cookies to the kids. I honestly don't remember if I stayed. I don't think I did. I think I went home to Hubs.
Technically, he wasn't Hubs yet. Deb's funeral was Saturday, Oct. 14, 2000. Hubs and I were married one week later on October 21. October in Iowa can be hit or miss. I've seen an ice storm on Halloween as a kid. Our wedding day was beautiful. The sun beamed down on us. The temperature was perfect. Deb was with us that day.
While setting up Big One's nursery, we hung a picture of Deb. It was her senior picture. It still hangs in the nursery which is now occupied by Little One. When Big One was a few months old, I held him up and showed him his Grandma Deb. He grinned like crazy and stared at his grandma. I couldn't help but feel she was there with us.
Recently, I held Little One up to that same picture. She looked. She didn't smile the way Big One did. I kept holding her there, willing her to smile. She never did although she stared at the picture for some time.
Last night as I rocked Little One to sleep, I looked at that picture and I cried. I know Grandma Deb is still watching over our family. I wish she could have held her grandchildren in her arms. I wish Big One and Little One could know her beyond the stories and memories we share. I wish I could talk to her one more time. I wish we could have had the chance to really get to know each other. I wish my mother in law was here to offer unsolicited advice and to spoil the grandkids.
I miss you, Grandma Deb.
I never knew my mother in law in her heyday. By the time I met her in 1997, MS had already consumed her body. Still maintaining a sharp awareness of the world, it pained her to be trapped in a body that didn't function. I saw the pain, the frustration in her eyes. I watched her freedom progressively slip away from her.
Deb didn't like me in the beginning. I suppose one day I'll understand the feeling that no woman will be good enough for my little boy. She eventually accepted me (how could she resist my charming personality?!?!). I visited her in the nursing home, knowing she was too young to be there. I sat with her in the hospital. I watched the physical and emotional pain that grasped her tightly and wouldn't loosen its hold.
I heard the phone ring in the middle of the night 8 years ago. I knew. I didn't answer the phone. It rang again. Mike's sister. Get to the hospital.
By the time we arrived at the hospital, she was gone. We stayed for a while. We went home. We didn't go back to sleep. I baked. That day was to be my last of my first rotation of student teaching. I dropped off the cookies to the kids. I honestly don't remember if I stayed. I don't think I did. I think I went home to Hubs.
Technically, he wasn't Hubs yet. Deb's funeral was Saturday, Oct. 14, 2000. Hubs and I were married one week later on October 21. October in Iowa can be hit or miss. I've seen an ice storm on Halloween as a kid. Our wedding day was beautiful. The sun beamed down on us. The temperature was perfect. Deb was with us that day.
While setting up Big One's nursery, we hung a picture of Deb. It was her senior picture. It still hangs in the nursery which is now occupied by Little One. When Big One was a few months old, I held him up and showed him his Grandma Deb. He grinned like crazy and stared at his grandma. I couldn't help but feel she was there with us.
Recently, I held Little One up to that same picture. She looked. She didn't smile the way Big One did. I kept holding her there, willing her to smile. She never did although she stared at the picture for some time.
Last night as I rocked Little One to sleep, I looked at that picture and I cried. I know Grandma Deb is still watching over our family. I wish she could have held her grandchildren in her arms. I wish Big One and Little One could know her beyond the stories and memories we share. I wish I could talk to her one more time. I wish we could have had the chance to really get to know each other. I wish my mother in law was here to offer unsolicited advice and to spoil the grandkids.
I miss you, Grandma Deb.
Hot for the Holidays Week 5
Self-fulfilling prophecy anyone? I went into this week knowing it was going to be bad. And it was. Or rather, I was bad. I drank very little water. I ate whatever I wanted. The only exercise I got was chasing Big One at the Science Center last night. So I gained. But once we make it through all of the birthday craziness tomorrow, I can focus on HFH again. It's a bad excuse and I need to learn that regardless of what is going on in our lives I have to stick with it! I will be better next week. I will. I will.
It has been a busy week. I was up until 2:30 last night working on Big One's birthday cakes. I just kept thinking it was such an insane hour. Yet in my pre-baby days 2:30 am was no big deal. Isn't it funny how times change? I feel like I have a hang over this morning and the only thing I drank last night was Pepsi.
Gain this week: 1.5 pounds
Total Overall Loss: 6 pounds
I'm still down 6 pounds since I started HFH 5 weeks ago so I feel good about that. And I know why I gained this week which makes it easier to swallow. As soon as I'm finished I'm off to get a glass of ice water to start the day off right.
This week's question was where did we find inspiration. I have to admit I've spent most of the week only thinking of the mile long list of things that need to be done for Big One's birthday party tomorrow. Last night we took the kids to the Science Center as part of Big One's birthday celebration. I forced myself to push the party thoughts out of my head and enjoy the moment. I thought back to 3 years ago as we spent the very first day with Big One. The big leap into parenthood. I got a little emotional. In the Science Center. Amongst robots. And falling dominos. I watched Hubs playing with Big One as I sat back and nursed Little One. Hubs went from never holding a baby to being such a loving daddy to both of our kids. He is an inspiration.
Christie, our HFH hostess, is also an inspiration to me. Last week she had a gain. She stuck with it and this week she's down 4.8 pounds! Rather than giving up because she gained, she stayed the course and it paid off.
There are cakes to decorate and plenty of cleaning to be done so I'm going to tear myself away from the computer now. Hopefully I will have a very cool McQueen and Mater cake to show off very soon. Happy weekend to everyone!
It has been a busy week. I was up until 2:30 last night working on Big One's birthday cakes. I just kept thinking it was such an insane hour. Yet in my pre-baby days 2:30 am was no big deal. Isn't it funny how times change? I feel like I have a hang over this morning and the only thing I drank last night was Pepsi.
Gain this week: 1.5 pounds
Total Overall Loss: 6 pounds
I'm still down 6 pounds since I started HFH 5 weeks ago so I feel good about that. And I know why I gained this week which makes it easier to swallow. As soon as I'm finished I'm off to get a glass of ice water to start the day off right.
This week's question was where did we find inspiration. I have to admit I've spent most of the week only thinking of the mile long list of things that need to be done for Big One's birthday party tomorrow. Last night we took the kids to the Science Center as part of Big One's birthday celebration. I forced myself to push the party thoughts out of my head and enjoy the moment. I thought back to 3 years ago as we spent the very first day with Big One. The big leap into parenthood. I got a little emotional. In the Science Center. Amongst robots. And falling dominos. I watched Hubs playing with Big One as I sat back and nursed Little One. Hubs went from never holding a baby to being such a loving daddy to both of our kids. He is an inspiration.
Christie, our HFH hostess, is also an inspiration to me. Last week she had a gain. She stuck with it and this week she's down 4.8 pounds! Rather than giving up because she gained, she stayed the course and it paid off.
There are cakes to decorate and plenty of cleaning to be done so I'm going to tear myself away from the computer now. Hopefully I will have a very cool McQueen and Mater cake to show off very soon. Happy weekend to everyone!
Happy Almost-Birthday, Big One!
I've been a bit absent this week but for good reason. Tomorrow is Big One's third birthday. Three! How did that happen? I keep asking myself that question. I still haven't found the answer. In about 7 1/2 hours he will officially be three.
Tomorrow we will celebrate with a special breakfast (M&M pancakes... yum!). He is going to decorate his own birthday cake. We baked it today. He loves to help in the kitchen! Then tomorrow after Hubs gets off work we'll all go to the Science Center. I'm so excited! This is the first year that he really seems excited for his birthday and actually understands that it's coming.
His big birthday party is Saturday and that's where most of my time is going this week. He insisted on a Cars party despite my best efforts to sway him towards something less commercial! I'm trying to pull of a 3D/carved cake. Actually 2. Lightening McQueen and Mater. Am I crazy? If not, I will be by Saturday. Hopefully they will turn out as great as I see them in my head. Sometimes ideas get lost in translation.
I also want to wish Amy Lou at spontaneous blah a happy birthday. Her big day is also tomorrow. She is a very talented writer so check her out! Happy birthday, Amy.
Tomorrow we will celebrate with a special breakfast (M&M pancakes... yum!). He is going to decorate his own birthday cake. We baked it today. He loves to help in the kitchen! Then tomorrow after Hubs gets off work we'll all go to the Science Center. I'm so excited! This is the first year that he really seems excited for his birthday and actually understands that it's coming.
His big birthday party is Saturday and that's where most of my time is going this week. He insisted on a Cars party despite my best efforts to sway him towards something less commercial! I'm trying to pull of a 3D/carved cake. Actually 2. Lightening McQueen and Mater. Am I crazy? If not, I will be by Saturday. Hopefully they will turn out as great as I see them in my head. Sometimes ideas get lost in translation.
I also want to wish Amy Lou at spontaneous blah a happy birthday. Her big day is also tomorrow. She is a very talented writer so check her out! Happy birthday, Amy.
Hot for the Holidays Week 4
What a great week! Things are really falling into place for me in this fourth week of the challenge (check out Christie at Baby Tea Leaves for more info). I must admit, last Friday after weigh in I indulged more than necessary. We had pizza for dinner and I followed it with sweets. Saturday we went to the zoo. We grabbed breakfast on the road (so not healthy!) and ate lunch at the zoo (again, not a lot of healthy choices). However, the hills kicked my butt and I think it really got my metabolism going.
The rest of the week went very well. Water has been my best friend and I can tell how much it has helped. I have made very good choices in my food for the most part. We did bake brownies as part of our letter B week activities but I only had a few little bites.
My weight loss this week: 4.5 lbs!!!
Total weight loss so far: 7.5lbs
Christie asked us to write about our "push it" moment this week. A moment when we pushed just a little outside our comfort zone. The hills at the end of a long day at the zoo while carrying a very fussy Little One definitely pushed my limits (I forgot the sling. Not fun carrying Little One without it and she was not happy riding in the stroller). When we made it to the top of the hill I was ready to call it a day. Instead, we stuck around to check out a few more displays. I wish I had done it with a smile on my face but at least I stuck it out!
Another "push it" moment was on our family walk the other night. We did the big Hill near our house. Big One usually gets tired about halfway up the hill (as do I, especially with Little One in the sling). When we all get tired we channel Dory from Finding Nemo and sing "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, Just keep swimming swimming swimming." I've been exhausted lately so the Hill was more difficult than ever. But we sang our song and made it to the top (although Big One collapsed dramatically in the grass a few times for a break).
I'm cautiously optimistic going into next week. Since I lost a significant amount this week, my fear is I'll gain some back or plateau. Fortunately, it's getting much easier to resist the temptations in which I usually indulge. I hope everyone else had a great week!
The rest of the week went very well. Water has been my best friend and I can tell how much it has helped. I have made very good choices in my food for the most part. We did bake brownies as part of our letter B week activities but I only had a few little bites.
My weight loss this week: 4.5 lbs!!!
Total weight loss so far: 7.5lbs
Christie asked us to write about our "push it" moment this week. A moment when we pushed just a little outside our comfort zone. The hills at the end of a long day at the zoo while carrying a very fussy Little One definitely pushed my limits (I forgot the sling. Not fun carrying Little One without it and she was not happy riding in the stroller). When we made it to the top of the hill I was ready to call it a day. Instead, we stuck around to check out a few more displays. I wish I had done it with a smile on my face but at least I stuck it out!
Another "push it" moment was on our family walk the other night. We did the big Hill near our house. Big One usually gets tired about halfway up the hill (as do I, especially with Little One in the sling). When we all get tired we channel Dory from Finding Nemo and sing "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, Just keep swimming swimming swimming." I've been exhausted lately so the Hill was more difficult than ever. But we sang our song and made it to the top (although Big One collapsed dramatically in the grass a few times for a break).
I'm cautiously optimistic going into next week. Since I lost a significant amount this week, my fear is I'll gain some back or plateau. Fortunately, it's getting much easier to resist the temptations in which I usually indulge. I hope everyone else had a great week!
I'm Not a Muffin!
Big One and I ventured to the balloon store [he names places by what they sell... Factory Card Outlet = The Balloon Store, McDonalds = The French Fry Store, Papa Murphy's = The Pizza Store, etc]. Next weekend is Big One's third birthday party! How did that happen? We went out for a few supplies and to order the most important part of his celebration... the balloons. The child LOVES balloons. I'm rambling.
As he climbed into his car seat, I noticed remnants of various food items he had consumed throughout the day.
Me: You look like a ragamuffin.
Big One: No, Mommy! You can't eat me!
I love it when my little man misinterprets things we say. It always provides a good laugh. It was fun to spend some one on one time with Big One. It's been a while!
As he climbed into his car seat, I noticed remnants of various food items he had consumed throughout the day.
Me: You look like a ragamuffin.
Big One: No, Mommy! You can't eat me!
I love it when my little man misinterprets things we say. It always provides a good laugh. It was fun to spend some one on one time with Big One. It's been a while!
Having it All
"But, Mommy! I told you I want ice cream!"
Sound familiar? Replace "ice cream" with whatever your child wants at the moment and it probably rings true for most of us.
We ventured outside the house today. *gasp* It's been a while. The kids blinked their eyes tightly against the sun like a couple of shut ins that hadn't seen daylight in months. It was time to take off the sweats and interact with people outside the family!
SuperTarget was our destination. Oh how I love you, SuperTarget. You have everything I could possibly want all under one roof. And your $1 section? Lets just say it has come to the rescue on many occasions to fend off the beginnings of temper tantrums. Sure, all of those trinkets are covering Big One's bedroom, lurking, waiting to gash open my toe as I try to navigate the minefield. But some things are worth a tantrum-free shopping trip. Some may call it bribery. I call it effective. I digress.
Big One and Little One both behaved very well. I'm not sure what's wrong. That never happens. One of them always likes to challenge me, especially in public. Today we held it together fairly well. No tears, no screaming, no threats. And the kids were happy too. Until Big One saw another little boy with a slushie. I'd just like to say thank you to the mother who went ahead and bought her child one of these slushies. Thanks to you, I had to hear all the way home about how Big One wanted ice cream.
His sugary sweet pleading for an ice cream treat made me start thinking. He wasn't whining about it. He just kept asking. I could tell he really, really wanted it. I want my kids to have what they want. But where do we draw the line? How do we draw the line between creating fun childhood memories and teaching them to be materialistic brats? I want my kids to have fun. I want them to be happy. But I also don't want to teach them that "stuff" = happiness. What's a mama to do?
Today this mama did not give in. Big One didn't get his ice cream treat/slushie. I think he has already forgotten it. He did get lots of praise for being such a good boy at the store. Wishing tantrum-free days to everyone!
Sound familiar? Replace "ice cream" with whatever your child wants at the moment and it probably rings true for most of us.
We ventured outside the house today. *gasp* It's been a while. The kids blinked their eyes tightly against the sun like a couple of shut ins that hadn't seen daylight in months. It was time to take off the sweats and interact with people outside the family!
SuperTarget was our destination. Oh how I love you, SuperTarget. You have everything I could possibly want all under one roof. And your $1 section? Lets just say it has come to the rescue on many occasions to fend off the beginnings of temper tantrums. Sure, all of those trinkets are covering Big One's bedroom, lurking, waiting to gash open my toe as I try to navigate the minefield. But some things are worth a tantrum-free shopping trip. Some may call it bribery. I call it effective. I digress.
Big One and Little One both behaved very well. I'm not sure what's wrong. That never happens. One of them always likes to challenge me, especially in public. Today we held it together fairly well. No tears, no screaming, no threats. And the kids were happy too. Until Big One saw another little boy with a slushie. I'd just like to say thank you to the mother who went ahead and bought her child one of these slushies. Thanks to you, I had to hear all the way home about how Big One wanted ice cream.
His sugary sweet pleading for an ice cream treat made me start thinking. He wasn't whining about it. He just kept asking. I could tell he really, really wanted it. I want my kids to have what they want. But where do we draw the line? How do we draw the line between creating fun childhood memories and teaching them to be materialistic brats? I want my kids to have fun. I want them to be happy. But I also don't want to teach them that "stuff" = happiness. What's a mama to do?
Today this mama did not give in. Big One didn't get his ice cream treat/slushie. I think he has already forgotten it. He did get lots of praise for being such a good boy at the store. Wishing tantrum-free days to everyone!
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