The Solution to All My Problems...

Many an infomerical has caught my eye recently. The Slap Chop. The Point 'N Paint. The Pancake Puff Pan. All very handy tools which would surely get hours of use and be worth their low, low price (plus shipping & handling, of course). But tonight, the solution to all of my problems spoke to me through my television.

The Flirty Girl Pole.

It, along with the Flirty Girl Fitness Program, will melt away those last few (20) pounds of baby weight. What? Of course I don't still have baby weight at 9 months post partum. Or maybe I do. (Does it count as baby weight if the reason it's still hanging around is heavy consumption of chocolate, Mountain Dew, cheese, and bread?)

Whatever the source of my cellulite riddled thighs, the Flirty Girl Fitness Program is going to give me a "sexy, slender, fabulous" body. The best part? I'll also learn some sexy new moves for the strip dance club. Because I frequent many a strip dance club these days. Right after I nurse my 9 month old and tuck my 3 year old into bed.

On top of the sexy dance moves and hot bod, I can also get the Flirty Girl Pole. Haven't you always wanted your very own stripper fitness pole? I'm fairly certain it's every girl's secret fantasy (or maybe it's every HUSBAND'S fantasy). Now that we FINALLY took down the Christmas tree, we have an open spot in the corner of the living room. I think it's the perfect spot. Having a stripper fitness pole in my living room will definitely elevate me to the coolest mom on the block. I'm ordering mine now.

DISCLAIMER: This post is in no way meant to offend strippers, dancers, or frequent visitors to either type of club. I suppose deep down I'm a bit jealous because my weak attempts at dancing look more like I'm having a seizure.

Oh, and I really do want the Slap Chop and the Pancake Puff Pan. Seriously.

10 comments:

Christy said...

Oh my god you're so funny! You have to take a picture (of it - not of you ON it) if you do buy it. And next you'll have to post about the other two items on your wish list because I've never heard of either and I'm too lazy to google them. Very cute post!!

jen@odbt said...

I think you should do the flirty girl exercises in a snugglie. Those infomercials are hilarious but must admit after watching one, I do start to get convinced that I can really lose 25 lbs.

Jolene said...

That is funny! I've never seen this infomercial. Maybe its on way late at night? lol

Jolene said...

I almost wasn't going to mention this, but what the heck?
A few months ago I actually took a pole dancing class while I was in Vegas with my girlfriends for a bachelorette party...
It was sooooo hard. I ended up with a huge bruise on my shin from the pole..lol Pole dancing is not for the clumsy and awkward!

AnastasiaSpeaks said...

That is really funny!! I have a friend who asked me to go to one of those pole dancing classes. I had one answer for her after I laughed by butt off...HELL NO!!

BTW, I have the same bread and cheese reason for my stubborn weight!

tollesons4him said...

You had me cracking up!!!! I couldn't imagine having a flirty girl pole much less see me doing the flirty girl fitness program!!!
have a great weekend!!! I love your blog by the way!!!

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. Girl, you crack me up. I have never seen this informercial, but you can believe I'll be watching out for it. I love infomercials. My favorite? THE BIG CITY SLIDER STATION. I.want.one.

Jessi said...

I've never seen the "fitness" pole infomercial, but just from your take on it...I'd watch the whole thing, probably want one, but never order it because I'd be too embarrassed to use in front of my husband....Attempt to dance = seizure....that's exactly right! LOL!

Carter Family said...

Have the pancake puff and it does work okay . . .

You posts always make me laugh....

Tonya said...

Oh my...what will they think of next. I am sure it would spice up your love life, but if you are like me...you won't even be able to whip your butt around the pole! LOL The thought just brings fits of laughter to me. (my kids are asking what I am laughing at).


Tonya
www.ouralpabetsoup.com